Author name: Naia Tillery

As parents and caregivers, we are not in complete control over what happens to our children, but it is our responsibility to protect our children by deciding which adults have access to them. Healthy relational boundaries are a necessary factor in preventing child sexual abuse. These boundaries determine and gauge the health of all relationships.

Learning about the causes and effects of sexual violence in our communities will provide understanding and strategy as we seek to disrupt the cycle of child sexual abuse. If we are to leave an impact, our efforts must be paired with prevention-focused conversations to inspire shifts in African culture. 

One day, my pastor spoke on supporting the broken. This message struck my core. Is this not what the church was meant for? I summoned all the courage left in my tiny body to tell my pastor what I had been subjected to by my perpetrators. He asked me if I screamed or if I have told anyone since. I took a deep breath and simply said no. He firmly and loudly told me that I must have wanted it, pronouncing his judgment against me.

By learning how to best care for your child and growing a strong support network, you will be able to move towards healing with your child. This intention and standard must begin with you in the home. If you are reading this right now, you are taking a huge step in the right direction.

“I am a survivor.” The first time I said those words out loud, I felt a mixture of relief and immense pain. I remember not wanting to elaborate any further, as just thinking about it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Imagine sex being introduced to you as a violation of your body at age five, and then being told you had imagined it!

There is no instruction manual for dealing with trauma, but there are ways to ensure the child feels safe and heard. If you suspect that a child has experienced sexual abuse, here are some healthy steps that you can take to begin healing.